Her New Beginning
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Written in reponse to the Sept #22 TV Prompt Challenge: Men In Trees - "Read Between the Minds". When Penelope Garcia finally reaches the end of her tether, can she find the courage to walk away? TWOSHOT.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: Hello, readers! A couple of notes for you today.**_

_**First, please remember to stop by our forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" and grab a nomination ballot for the first EVER Profiler's Choice Awards! You have NINE days remaining to nominate your picks and we'd love to hear from each one of you. Come, help us make sure that your favorite stories and authors get the recognition that they deserve.**_

_**Also at the forum, signups for our first ever ff. net based "Criminal Minds Christmas Gift Fic Exchange" are underway! All you need to do is reply to the thread at the forum or send us a PM telling us 1) Which pairings you would feel comfortable writing, 2) the central pairing you'd like to be featured in the story you receive as a Christmas gift, and 3) Name a Christmas carol plus three Christmas-y prompts you'd like to see in the story you receive as a Christmas gift (you'll only have to use three of the four items in the actual fic). Assignments will be given on November 1st and you'll have until DECEMBER 25, 2010 to post your gift. Further details are available at the forum. Please, let's make this a Merry Christmas for ALL!**_

_**And, please join us at the forum as we get to know another fellow talented author, Faith4000 in our "Getting To Know" series of interviews.**_

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**Her New Beginning**

_**Prompt: Men in Trees - "Read Between the Minds"**_

Penelope Garcia stood outside his closed office door, garnering her flailing strength.

_You're making the right decision, Penny. The only decision that you can under the circumstances. C'mon, don't chicken out. Your sanity depends on your ability to do this. _

Peering through the slats of the blinds to his office window, she saw him, head bent over some file or another, diligently making notes. Gnawing on her full lower lips, she tapped her fingers against the silky fabric of the full bright orange skirt she wore. Lifting a hand to adjust the collar of her fitted yellow shirt, she gulped audibly.

It was now or never…do or die.

Tapping timidly on the door, she waited as she heard Hotch's deep familiar voice bid her enter. Walking inside, he barely glanced up at her before double taking.

"Sorry," Hotch frowned. "The knock didn't match the personality. I thought you were Reid," Hotch said with a faint smile. "What can I do for you, Garcia?"

_Uhmmmm...don't hate me? _Her mouth went dry as she stared back at him. "I...uh..."

"Penelope?" Hotch murmured, canting his head to the side as his brows drew together in concern. One thing Penelope Garcia was _not_ was easily flustered. And if the look on her face was any indication, flustered didn't come close to what she was feeling. Tortured would be a more accurate description. "Penelope?" he repeated, her pale face worrying him, "What's wrong?"

"S-sir," she began, silently cursing her warbling voice, "I, uh...I need to speak to you."

"Okay," Hotch said slowly, gesturing toward the seat in front of his desk. "Please sit down," he invited, his voice deliberately even, knowing from experience that one could never push the incomparable Penelope Garcia.

Watching as the unit's normally animated technical analyst stiffly took the visitor's chair he'd pointed out, Hotch frowned. Feel the first cool fingers of dread sliding down his spine, he tried to read her normally expressive face and came up blank. For the first time, Garcia's emotions weren't etched on her face for the world to see. No, instead of the bright, intelligent woman he normally saw, this person was a shell…a mere shadow. While her eyes were the same, the person behind them was somehow diminished, her inner light dimmed.

"Garcia," Hotch murmured softly, "You're beginning to scare me here a little bit and I don't scare easily." And it was true. After facing off with some of the worst of the worst that the world had to offer, not much had the ability to rattle him anymore. But this sadness etched on the perpetually happy face in front of him...that was doing something no unsub could ever do.

_I scare myself, Hotch. _Clearing her throat, Penelope opened her mouth, willing the words to come forth. _Come on, lips. Don't fail me now. _"Hotch, I've been doing some thinking...actually, a lot of thinking...well, honestly, all I've been doing for months _is_ thinking," she rambled, her words coming in a rush, tripping over each other in eagerness to be spoken.

"All right," Hotch nodded encouragingly, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his desk. "Tell me what all these thoughts have been centered around," he urged supportively. _Please God, don't let this be about her relationship with Morgan. He'd hate to lose a good agent, but he'd be damned if he'd look the other way if Derek had somehow managed to hurt Garcia. No one would. Derek Morgan could be replaced….Penelope Garcia couldn't._

Biting her lip, Penelope stared down at her hands. _Please God, if you give me the strength to do this, I swear on my favorite troll doll Mimzy's head that I'll make the most of my life. I'll use my considerable skills for good...not evil. Wait...she was doing that here, wasn't she? Okay, God, I'll find a way to use those powers for good WITHOUT having to watch the daily horrors that seem to have invaded and taken over my life entirely, she bargained._ "Uhmm, Hotch," Garcia said, twisting her fingers together nervously, "I need to leave."

Relieved, Hotch leaned back in his chair, his shoulders relaxing from their Defcon Four position. _This was about her taking an afternoon off? Damn, he knew his team thought he was a slave driver, but he never imagined that Garcia would be anxious about taking him on...especially over something so simple as an afternoon off. _"Well, since I don't remember you taking a day off in the last eighteen months, I don't see where that would be a problem."

Shaking her head as realized that he had completely misunderstood her words, Garcia swallowed the lump in her throat._ Crap, he would take her in the literal sense. Hotch was a literal guy. If he said something, he meant it...and he expected everyone else to, too._ "I should have been more clear," Garcia winced, finally forcing her eyes back up to his face, meeting his dark eyes. "I do need to leave today...but by today, I mean for good, Hotch. I'm quitting."

"Wh-what?" Hotch asked, leaning forward abruptly, his elbows hitting his polished desk with a thud as he caught her blurted words. Narrowing his eyes on the nervous woman across from him, Hotch was stymied. "When did you decide this?"

"I made the final decision while you guys were in Austin last week on that child abduction," Garcia revealed hoarsely, shivering as images of the footage she obtained on that Satanic cult that had kidnapped children for sacrifice danced through her head, taunting her cruelly. For weeks, she'd dealt with those horrific visions, her sleep interrupted violently, her daytime hours haunted. No matter what she had tried, from meditation to immersing herself in every video game known to man, she'd still been afflicted with the sights and sounds that never seemed to fade.

Her soul was being slowly murdered by psychopaths that had already claimed their victims…and she had no choice but to stop the slaughter.

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_**Author's Note 2 - Also guys, please don't forget that if you'd like to advertise the awards on your own profile pages or stories, there's a short blurb on my (ilovetvalot) and Tonnie's (tonnie2001969) profile page for you to copy and paste if you choose! **_

_**Again, thanks to everyone reading, reviewing, alerting and favoriting this story!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: Hello, readers! A couple of notes for you today.**_

_**First, please remember to stop by our forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" and grab a nomination ballot for the first EVER Profiler's Choice Awards! You have EIGHT days remaining to nominate your picks and we'd love to hear from each one of you. Come, help us make sure that your favorite stories and authors get the recognition that they deserve.**_

_**So, c'mon, guys, let's all get motivated and choose some of this site's most deserving authors and stories to share with our friends! We're heading into our last week of nominations and while we've had a great response so far, we'd love to hear from EACH of you. Let your opinion be heard!**_

_**Also at the forum, signups for our first ever ff. net based "Criminal Minds Christmas Gift Fic Exchange" are underway! All you need to do is reply to the thread at the forum or send us a PM telling us 1) Which pairings you would feel comfortable writing, 2) the central pairing you'd like to be featured in the story you receive as a Christmas gift, and 3) Name a Christmas carol plus three Christmas-y prompts you'd like to see in the story you receive as a Christmas gift (you'll only have to use three of the four items in the actual fic). Assignments will be given on November 1st and you'll have until DECEMBER 25, 2010 to post your gift. Further details are available at the forum. Please, let's make this a Merry Christmas for ALL!**_

_**And, please join us at the forum as we get to know another fellow talented author, Faith4000 in our "Getting To Know" series of interviews.**_

* * *

**Her New Beginning**

**Chapter Two**

Face softening as he watched a shudder wrack her body, Hotch murmured, his voice quietly convicted, "Garcia, I know that case was hard on you...the things you had to see...to watch. I don't wish that on my worst enemy, let alone someone like you. But, you need to know you were an integral part of what caught those monsters."

"I...I know that, sir," Garcia choked, bile rising in her throat as she recalled the last footage she'd seen regarding that particular case. All she had to do was close her eyes and it was their faces...mocking her...

"Maybe rather than quit, you'd consider a sabbatical," Hotch offered quickly, now recognizing the signs of burnout etched in her pale face. _Damn it, how had he missed this? Wasn't he supposed to be attuned to the needs of his team….his friends? _

"No break is ever going to take those images out of my mind, Hotch," Garcia denied softly, truth filling her words. "And there's always going to be another case...a worse case just around the corner. I'm not built to watch that kind of brutality every day. I'm not Em...I can't just shove it in a box. Or Reid, that takes his comfort from the cold hard facts. I'm sorry, but I don't have my Love Muffin's strength...his fortitude." Pausing for a breath, she filled her aching lungs as she continued, "I can't be like you and Rossi, Boss, and focus on the hunt rather than the sickness of the crime. Don't you see? I understand why JJ left now. She left to preserve what she had left of her mind.

He'd had no idea things had reached such an emotional crescendo for the woman that each member of their team had looked to at one time or another for hope and compassion. She was the lynchpin of their intrepid group, the grounding wire that held them all together…whether she realized it or not. Looking at her now, though, Aaron knew that she meant every word she said. "Garcia, put in a temporary leave of absence. Take a few months and then reevaluate."

Lips tightening, Garcia shook her head, unable to accept the alternative he was offering. "I've been evaluating for _months_, Boss. I don't want to read between the minds anymore," she whispered violently, her words shaking as she tried to maintain her composure. Taking a deep breath, she fought to control her breathing, to gain a semblance of control. "When I used to walk down the street and meet someone new, I used look at the person and automatically find something to like...to respect. Do you know what happens when I meet someone now?"

"No," Hotch replied, shaking his head. He could tell from the look on her face, however, that whatever she thought, it didn't bode well for any of them. "Tell me."

"Now, I look at people and wonder what I'd find if I dug. What kind of inner freak would I find. What kind of evil is masquerading around in a perfectly innocent looking body."

_Jesus! How had any of them not seen the pain this formally bubbly woman had been in? _"We all have moments like that, Garcia," Hotch offered, his explanation weak even to his own ears, his words a simple platitude in the face of her heart wrenching admission.

"But, it's not just moments anymore, Hotch," Garcia declared balefully, shifting impatiently in the not-so-comfortable chair. Sighing, she explained, "It's days and months of doubt and fear...of wondering if one less kid would have died if I'd found one teeny tiny kernel of information just a little bit sooner. I can't live like that anymore. I can't live underneath that kind of pressure. The Goddess wasn't set up for that," Garcia informed him sadly, her fingers picking convulsively at some imaginary lint on her colorful skirt. "I have to go now, while there's still a chance I can find the good in people again."

_What the hell could he say to that? Hadn't he thought that very thing dozens of times over the course of his career? The difference between him and the woman sitting in his office was that only one of them had actually found the courage to walk away...to search for that elusive something better._ _And he knew in his heart of hearts that his fear was rooted in the fact that he doubted there was a better….but she didn't. _"I'll miss you," Hotch said softly, not realizing until this moment how very true that was. He _would_ miss her. Her grace. Her ability to heal others with something as simple as a smile and a well placed joke. Her indominatable spirit that seemed to override any crisis they might be facing, singularly or collectively. He would miss _her_. "We'll _all_ miss you."

"I'll miss you guys, too. You're my family," Garcia replied faintly, her words catching in her throat as mental pictures of each of the team members came to her mind. "The only family I have left. But I have to do this...for me, Hotch," Garcia whispered, rising from her chair, forcing her legs to move, to go forward.

Nodding solemnly, Hotch rose and circled the desk. "If you ever change your mind...if you ever decide that you're ready to try again, call. There will always be a place for you on this team. In this family."

Genuinely smiling for the first time since she walked in the room, Garcia shook her head, her colorful strands bouncing from side to side. "Stick a fork in me, captain, because I'm done. But thank you," she said huskily, wrapping her arms around Hotch and holding on tight. For a brief moment in time, she'd been privileged to call this man her leader…and that was a privilege she would always hold dear.

Returning her embrace, Hotch sighed. "Be happy, Garcia," he offered quietly, squeezing her gently. _Be happy for all of us._

Wiping her watering eyes as she pulled away, she nodded. "Be _safe_," she ordered, her wavering grin belying her tone. "And take care of all of them, Boss," she murmured, glancing over her shoulder and out his office window down at the busy bullpen.

With one final shaky smile at her former Unit Chief, Garcia slipped out of his office, freer that she'd felt in years.

This was her new beginning.

_**Finis**_

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_**Author's Note 2 - Also guys, please don't forget that if you'd like to advertise the awards on your own profile pages or stories, there's a short blurb on my (ilovetvalot) and Tonnie's (tonnie2001969) profile page for you to copy and paste if you choose! **_

_**Again, thanks to everyone reading, reviewing, alerting and favoriting this story!**_


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